ARTICLE: WHAT A ROOMMATE!

Often at times, what a roommate happens to be such a phrase easy to make among friends and I keep wondering why this complain and who actually this roommate is. I came to find out that that roommate is you, him her and/or me. I then thought that if I ever desired to have a great roommate, I simply have to work hard to first be a good roommate. Happily enough, I experienced just exactly that, living completely free of quarrel with my roommate for two years and it is my candid opinion that if we all work hard to be good roommates to our roommates then our residences will experience a scarce supply of bad roommate, a situation I consider healthy for the “economy of our emotions”.

The role of hard work towards the success of a relationship led experts in counselling to describe relationship as a garden which without hard work loses its beauty. Every relationship involves sacrifice; the art of giving without expecting anything in return. It is said by experts that relationships are like bank accounts; with more withdrawals than deposits, you run into difficulties. Living together entails giving in the best you would expect one to give to you. If this is done, who then will be complaining of not having the best? It is pertinent to note that the principles of happy cohabitation as enshrined in this article are basically the principles of healthy relationships and thus will prove helpful when applied beyond the walls of the room.

However, this article serves to promote healthy cohabitation among students given that unhealthy living together has led to various levels of hurt which has hampered at one point or the other productive moments of academic life, lead to long term hatred and even in some cases, death of a mate. The negative implications of these to the society cannot be overemphasized. This article presents to the reader, healthy cohabitation as a tool to society growth. This article is prescribed for individual perusal and practice by each roommate. The values recommended are for each individual to imbibe not exclusively for any particular member of the room.

A speaker on relationship and courtship posited that for two people to be in a relationship, they must share something in common. This I consider a very fundamental concept in relationships. Therefore, what exists between two or more people living in a room (roommates) can be described as a relationship in this light because they share in common same place of habitation. As earlier pointed, hard work is crucial to success in life within the walls of the room and can be seen in the light of the dos prescribed forthwith for enforcement by this article.

As a starter, chose a roommate you love and can cope with and in return love and cope with the roommate you have. This is the first commandment that it may be well with you. There is certainly no big deal in first being the nice one at any point; it doesn’t kill even if it’s used against you, never mind; you are happy you did no wrong. Yeah, that’s the cost of true love; you are only a living martyr. When you are at fault or even unsure, kindly admit your fault in the circumstance and say “I am sorry”. It doesn’t cost a thing but it sure heals a lot, yes it does even settle a lot of imminent mishap among friends. Always make the other fellow know he or she is respected, valued, cared for and loved by you in actions, words, etc. The measure of respect, love and care is in the feeling of same enjoyed by the recipient. The habitual use of kind words and smiles to each other is a small but highly efficacious ingredient to a healthy lifestyle in the room. Plays and jokes are essential but know the critical limits and employ respect for one another’s person while you play. Avoid involving the other’s parents or relatives in expensive jokes or “yabs” and be mindful when you make jokes about each other’s disability, e.g. “please take off your coke bottles” (referring to one’s eye glasses) may be better tolerated than “your armpit smells” especially when said in public. Public criticism must be avoided as much as possible and must not be mistaken with advice. For instance, the last highlighted joke could be converted to a one-on-one quiet advice between roommates in the absence of an outsider.

Having a roommate is surely an opportunity to positively influence someone. It is important to bear in mind that inexhaustible patience, tolerance, forgiveness and maturity are some of the key virtues you have to imbibe to make any relationship in the room work as no two persons, not even twins are the same; we all have our differences. Do not wait for a SORRY before you forgive as you may never get one and never be weary to forgive; just forgive once more but do not hesitate to learn the lessons from every experience so you do not repeat mistakes. A typical example ensued between two roommates Grace and Stella who had lived for over 3years out of their 4 years of study. The former borrowed some money to buy a pair of shoes and later found it hard to pay rather in addition showered her creditor with arrogance when persistently asked to pay. This bitter experience led to their parting ways as roommates. Few months later, Grace was involved in an accident and was rushed to the hospital where Stella was undergoing industrial work experience (IT). She was in need of blood and some money for her treatment in order to save her life and coincidentally here was Stella in the position to save her arrogant debtor’s life. Yes she did donate some blood and later understood that Grace was in need of money for treatment. She bought the drugs she could at the instance and helped Grace reach out to her parents for further assistance. Of course Grace’s parents appreciated Stella for the show of love and when Grace in tears, recounted her past experience with Stella, the Good Samaritan was well rewarded by the grateful and stunned parents of Grace. In this, she did not withhold help in the event of a life and death situation due to the past experience, did not lend cash to Grace and would never do so in a non-life threatening situation. Although we must tolerate, but note that hurts become toxic when kept within for long; let it out carefully and be free. Allow a free flow of communication of needs; likes and dislikes between one another. Do not expect the other to guess or assume he or she knows it. In my case, we were able to identify each other’s needs and to assist each other in achieving our goals. That way, we always featured in each other’s success story which will be told even in many years to come. Spend time and do things together with your roommates as often as possible; it keeps ablaze the flame of unity and togetherness. I would always make out time to play scrabble, mix music or watch matches with my roommates whenever I had the time despite my usual busy schedule. There we will chat and often discuss some issues too.  Being an effective listener such that your roommate feels he or she has been heard before you respond will always make him/her feel her opinion is valued. Lack of the knowledge of your roommate’s birthday is what I consider a crime as that special day is one which provides a great opportunity to show that you appreciate him or her. Almost everyone loves good surprises. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a big gift; even a big inscription of birthday wishes on the door post for him/her will be greatly appreciated when he or she knows you do not have the means to present a bigger gift. If you share the same faith, pray together but if not, remind each other of their devotion hours and often at times, show some interest in their faith by honouring your roommate’s invitation. Do not be too persuasive in trying to convert a roommate to accept your values or faith so you don’t raise ill feelings of superiority of any faith or convictions over the other. You cannot afford to give up on my roommate and even when you had course to argue and disagree, resolve them with respect minding the words you use on each other as words when let out cannot be retrieved. Have no reason to judge each other but support each other especially in the things you do not know. Humility and loyalty to your roommates will make you endeared to them. I and my roommate were so humble to each other and rated each other higher despite not being age mates. We would always call ourselves, Boss!

Finally, it takes more than the aforementioned to make life in the room worth the while but such as described above are sufficient to drastically reduce the menace of what a roommate complains and promote healthy relationships among friends especially roommates. These values are prescribed for individual practice; it takes being a good roommate to have the best roommate.